Over the past 50 years there have been many things that happened that have caused me to seek and pursue the Lord to a deeper level of understanding in this Christian walk. As he showed me, each time, how He had been turning what seemed to be so bad, even almost unbearable, to good … how He would “other it”… for His purpose each time I would trust Him, I began to personalize the truth He had been speaking to me since my youth.
What He has been doing over the years has given me more of a hunger to pursue Him even further. There are times I have seen my life in David, stunned that some would come against the Army of the Living God, defying the Lord God of Israel with such arrogance. To realize that this warrior is a child while marching forward in the name of our Lord, to face what seems to others to be an undefeatable enemy. To have a “friend who sticketh closer than a brother,” as Jonathan and David. To have a heart to serve God, and, at times, be attacked even to the point of death by the very one who is soothed by the melodies of God. At times… the donkey who was a faithful servant to his master, Balam. In raising our children, I felt like Moses, feeling totally incapable of the task to which I was called. After delivering our son, who weighed in at 9 lb. 14oz, while rocking him at home in the living room, my eyes fell on the picture of Sallman’s “Head of Christ” that was on our wall. In an instant, it registered that Love was willing to pay the price to give birth to one who doesn’t know he is in darkness.. To breather new life in a kingdom that they had never seen or experienced .. To come to serve, that others can be ministered to.. To show them, to enable them to learn. As with Christ for His Bride, to lay down my life for the one I chose to love, not having received love in turn nor knowing if I ever will, but to serve my Father, and be an obedient daughter ..if I die, I die..to give back the life I owe with thanksgiving. I saw that mountain, and, like Caleb and Joshua, wanted to follow God all the way. How in Collegeville, He taught me personally the meaning of Aaron’s Rod and the need to remain quiet in the darkness for whatever the time may be, in order for the Work and Hand of God to show in my life, blooming in His Freshness..to be reminded while in the darkness that my God is at work, and His timing is always right. Trust Him.
Agonizing and crying tears in the Garden with death at my door, having decided to set my face toward Jerusalem in obedience to my Father. Feeling like Joseph in prison choosing to do right because it is right to do. Seeking God’s grace to forgive and come out not holding a grudge … seeing with kingdom eyes … knowing that they meant it for evil, but God meant it for good. Learning from my Father to love those who hate me and do evil to me, being enabled by his grace to separate the sinner from the sin. Submitting to the Branch, that He might grow his fruit in me.
Realizing, like the thief on the cross, were it not for the shed blood of Jesus the Christ dying in my stead, paying the price for my sin there would be no redemption for me, no hope of glory, no presence of God in my life, no peace within, no joy, no faithfulness, no righteousness, no hope, no love, for nothing good can come of what I do unless God does it in and through me. But, praise be to God, He has raised me from the dead into an everlasting life. He calls me His child and He delights in me and I in Him. This is Life.